Pearls of Wisdom

I thought I'd post an example of the sort of questions I get asked as a coach to give you an insight into how I help people to start using their brain for a change.

Bob's Question:
Hi Ian,  I was at your recent event and found you entertaining, refreshing and confirming a lot of thoughts, beliefs and texts I have come across.  Two questions I would like to ask that didn't come to me at the time are...

1.  How do you beat your own brain? For example, I have tried to make changes to my thoughts, feelings and behaviours, but I find myself battling with my own brain to keep going,.

2. Do you have 'bad' days? i.e. days when you lose your temper, lose control of that nicely balanced brain of yours, or just feel real low because things have been battling against you so much?

My Response:

Hi Bob, Thanks for the feedback I'm glad you enjoyed the talk. I'll do my best to help with your interesting questions and perhaps start with your second question first:

Do I have 'bad' days? Absolutely! I think everyone does. I heard a speaker refer to how an oyster creates a pearl from a piece of grit and how life is similar. I have had gritty days in my life where I have 'lost' my temper and 'lost' control, but these moments don't happen so much now since I realised that the fear of 'losing' something comes from under-utilising what I call my 'hunter brain' and over-utilising what I refer to as my 'gatherer brain'. Balancing the emotional brain gives us better mastery of emotional situations. I changed my fear of losing into a passion for finding, by realising that the opposite of losing can be winning and finding. In the past I lost my temper and lost control because I was trying to win or beat someone else and control them.

I found that the more I tried to control others the more I lost control of myself.

Now for your first question which by now, you may have already begun to see a solution to?

How do you beat your own brain? Well it's simple really, Stop battling with it!!

Look back at your message to me Bob and notice how the words you've chosen to use are associated with 'winning' and 'losing' - 'beating my brain', 'battling against', 'losing my temper', 'losing control'. Remember what I said about an under-utilised 'Hunter Brain' in my talk. People who fight are fighting because they fear losing. They mistakenly believe that the opposite of fighting is running away (fight or flee). In truth there is a third option. The opposite of fighting is 'not fighting' and the opposite of fleeing is 'not fleeing'. Our natural state is calm not fear. When we are calm we are not fighting and not fleeing we are 'flowing'. When our emotional brain is balanced we can easily access our intellectual brain and remember how to solve challenges, or create new solutions if necessary. The brain is amazing when it is in a natural state of balance.

However, as you discovered on the evening of my talk, our intellectual brain 'Expert'/'Performer' is often out of balance too. So once you've mastered your emotions it's time to master your intellect and then the real work begins.

Have hope, remember the oyster I referred to earlier, the pearl wouldn't exist without a bit of grit, it is a natural process. Good luck turning your 'grit' into a 'pearl' Bob and le me know what you discover.