Seeing through the cracks.

Each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And then 'life' happens - people leave us, or don’t love us, or don’t get us, or we don’t get them, and we lose and fail and hurt one another. And we start to crack in places. And once our once watertight vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable. But there is always more time than you think between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And its only when we crack that we get the gift of truly seeing one another. When we can see out of ourselves through our own cracks and into others through theirs, that is when we truly see each other.
Until then we are just looking at ideas of each other, projecting ourselves onto closed curtains, but never seeing inside. Once the vessel cracks, light can get in and your light can shine out. (inspired by John Green "Paper Towns")

What is Confidence?

When my life de-railed in 1999 I fled to the Lake District to search for meaning, inner wisdom and the confidence that my earlier life had lacked. Five years later I returned to Gloucestershire and rebuilt my life. Here is a video interview from 2009 where I share some of the insights I gained from my time in Cumbria.


If this video has helped you gain some insight too please leave me a comment below. If you want to see more videos and information about confidence visit Ian Banyard's Confidence Clinic

Feel free to contact me if you are struggling and want to develop more confidence. There is a link to the right of this post to my Facebook page where you can message me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Has your brain been stolen?

We know allowing a complete stranger into our home to rewire our house is not a smart thing to do.

We know that a complete stranger may disconnect the alarm system so that they could break in whenever we were not at home.

We also know not to download programmes onto our computer systems from untrusted sources just in case they contain virus software that steals our information and enables a complete stranger to access our bank account.



But here's the thing...

Most people will let anyone rewire their brain and put thoughts in their head making it easier to manipulate them.

And...

many of us voluntarily put drugs, food and drink into our own bodies that alters our brain chemistry and makes it so easy for complete strangers to manipulate our thoughts and steal our money...

Isn't it time YOU learned how to better protect how you CHOOSE to think?

Protect how you think and feel by learning more about your amazing brain visit my website:

http://www.wired4success.tv/

Pearls of Wisdom

I thought I'd post an example of the sort of questions I get asked as a coach to give you an insight into how I help people to start using their brain for a change.

Bob's Question:
Hi Ian,  I was at your recent event and found you entertaining, refreshing and confirming a lot of thoughts, beliefs and texts I have come across.  Two questions I would like to ask that didn't come to me at the time are...

1.  How do you beat your own brain? For example, I have tried to make changes to my thoughts, feelings and behaviours, but I find myself battling with my own brain to keep going,.

2. Do you have 'bad' days? i.e. days when you lose your temper, lose control of that nicely balanced brain of yours, or just feel real low because things have been battling against you so much?

My Response:

Hi Bob, Thanks for the feedback I'm glad you enjoyed the talk. I'll do my best to help with your interesting questions and perhaps start with your second question first:

Do I have 'bad' days? Absolutely! I think everyone does. I heard a speaker refer to how an oyster creates a pearl from a piece of grit and how life is similar. I have had gritty days in my life where I have 'lost' my temper and 'lost' control, but these moments don't happen so much now since I realised that the fear of 'losing' something comes from under-utilising what I call my 'hunter brain' and over-utilising what I refer to as my 'gatherer brain'. Balancing the emotional brain gives us better mastery of emotional situations. I changed my fear of losing into a passion for finding, by realising that the opposite of losing can be winning and finding. In the past I lost my temper and lost control because I was trying to win or beat someone else and control them.

I found that the more I tried to control others the more I lost control of myself.

Now for your first question which by now, you may have already begun to see a solution to?

How do you beat your own brain? Well it's simple really, Stop battling with it!!

Look back at your message to me Bob and notice how the words you've chosen to use are associated with 'winning' and 'losing' - 'beating my brain', 'battling against', 'losing my temper', 'losing control'. Remember what I said about an under-utilised 'Hunter Brain' in my talk. People who fight are fighting because they fear losing. They mistakenly believe that the opposite of fighting is running away (fight or flee). In truth there is a third option. The opposite of fighting is 'not fighting' and the opposite of fleeing is 'not fleeing'. Our natural state is calm not fear. When we are calm we are not fighting and not fleeing we are 'flowing'. When our emotional brain is balanced we can easily access our intellectual brain and remember how to solve challenges, or create new solutions if necessary. The brain is amazing when it is in a natural state of balance.

However, as you discovered on the evening of my talk, our intellectual brain 'Expert'/'Performer' is often out of balance too. So once you've mastered your emotions it's time to master your intellect and then the real work begins.

Have hope, remember the oyster I referred to earlier, the pearl wouldn't exist without a bit of grit, it is a natural process. Good luck turning your 'grit' into a 'pearl' Bob and le me know what you discover.

Don't Let The SHOMs Rule Your Life.

Turn your SHOMs into WOWs!
You know what the SHOMs are don't you....?
All those

Should do's...
Have to's...
Ought to's... and
Must do's...

When you live life by the SHOMs you get stressed, miserable, infect everyone around you and age prematurely. This is because SHOMs are rule statements that others use to MAKE us do things. A SHOM is always followed up with an implied 'OR ELSE', that's how you know it's a rule.
I prefer PRINCIPLES to RULES because they allow us to use flexibility and adapt based on circumstances. Rules on the other hand can only be obeyed or broken, and that's what makes them stressful.
Living your life according to the rules of others was probably quite wise when you were young and immature, however, continuing to live your life by other people's rules when you are grown up is daft. You are capable of making your own choices, and taking personal responsibility for the consequences now.

My tip for those of you who haven't already done so, is to start right now, turning your SHOMs into WOWs

WOWs are

Want to's...
Opportunities... and
Wonderfuls

Happiness in life is often just about changing our perspective.

Instead of thinking: I have to get up and go to work or else I will upset my boss and lose my job (a SHOM),
Choose to think: I want to get up because today is a brand new opportunity to prove to myself what I can do even in situations that I find challenging, how wonderful!'


Have a go today and let me know how you get on.

How to be Happy at 50! - Tip No. 2: Choose your attitude!

Each morning when you wake up you have two choices.

You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. 

I choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, you can choose to be a victim or you can choose to learn from it.

I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to you complaining, you can choose to resent their complaining or you can choose to help them look for a positive solution.

I choose to help them.

Life is all about choices. Every situation is a choice.

I choose how I respond (not react) to situations.

I choose how people affect my mood, it's my mood not theirs!

I choose to be in a good mood or a bad mood.

The bottom line: It's my choice how I live my life.

My Challenge to YOU:

Over the next few days become more aware of the choices you have in your life by noticing when you REACT to a situation rather than RESPOND.

I’m not sure what the differences in the origins of these 2 words are, but I do know that when I had some throat surgery a few years ago it was better that my body RESPONDED to the treatment rather than REACTED to it!

RE-ACTING sounds to me like doing the same thing over again and life has taught me that when something isn’t working, it's time to do something different.

Do you remember the saying: ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.’ Perhaps this saying is responsible for so many of the older generation allowing themselves to RE-ACT to life.

I prefer the saying: ‘If at first you don’t succeed, have a really good think about the consequences of continuing trying to do it that way. Then having done that, consider the consequences of doing it another way. Finally, choose whichever brings you, and those you care about, the most happiness’

It's your choice, so CHOOSE WISELY.

How to live a great life!

On the 17th of July 2011 I will have been alive for 50 years, that's amazing! It's not actually true as it doesn't take into account my 9 months development from conception to birth. As I seem to have missed the momentous occasion in November 2010, I'll stick to my official birthday for the purposes of this blog. It is amazing to realise I have 50 years experience of being me. I am officially the most experienced person on the planet at knowing all about and understanding everything associated with how I function as a human being.

1. I have more knowledge and experience of my brain than any neuroscientist;
2. I have more understanding and information about my mind than any psychologist,
3. I have more familiarity and awareness of what my body can do and needs than any doctor
4. I have more insight into my spiritual nature than any priest or religous leader.

How cool is that!

As well as being 50 in July I also have a fantastic life! I married a wonderful woman, I have 3 brilliant children, I live in the countryside in a beautiful cottage surrounded by nature, travel the world for work and pleasure. I love my work and have found the balance that enables me to earn a decent living, be financially secure, be happy, be healthy, be free to explore life, be me.

Life hasn't always been great, there are good days and there are challenging days in everyone's life. I don't believe some people are born lucky, I believe we make our own luck based on the choices we make in response to life. Life has taught me that valuing the good days and choosing to learn something new from the challenging days, leads to more good days and less challenges. I think the key to a successful life is in valuing what is important to us and learning from difficulty.

As a thank you to all the people who have joined my facebook pages 'The Confidence Clinic', 'Brain Mapping Online', 'Pathfinders TV', Britain's Next Top Coach' and others, I'm going to post some tips (I don't like secrets) on how to live a successful life based on my experience. I'll post them over the weeks and days leading up to my birthday on this blog. Feel free to comment and share the link with your online friends and colleagues.